I'm Sorry

The Long Xmas Break

2008-12-18T06:07:00.000-08:00

So.. Holidays are here and I've finally stopped working.. This long break would actually give me a chance to take a good look at myself.. About what I've done and what I'm going to do..

So.. My common tests werent as bad as I thought they would be.. Apart from 3229 that is..

Heart's still in a mess.. It's refusing to let go of you and the wonderful memories that we once held so dear..

People around me have tried so hard to help me move on.. The guys have tried to console me.. The girls have tried to ask me out.. But somehow.. Mind's still stuck on stuff that happened two and a half years prior to our breakup..

Everyday's so dull without a message from you.. But somehow.. I dun think you even visit my blog so u wont even see this..

Before, Now and Always..
I'll keep my promise..

Neek..

3 In The Morning

2008-11-29T10:29:00.000-08:00

Looking back at our old photos, tears start to roll again..

It's been a month since it all ended.. You've moved on and found a new guy.. No doubt I'm happy for you cause you've moved on but deep down inside, I wished u never left..

Life, Love, Family and Friends.. Nothing has gone well this past month.. Everything just came tumbling down and Neek's exhausted..

For two and a half years, you were my pillar of strength.. You were there no matter what happened.. You made an impact in my life.. You changed me..

There was a saying that people would change for love.. Neek has and will continue to change.. He's grown up.. No longer the childish kid who insisted on things his way and flirted around all day.. He'll do whatever he can to make you notice him.. He just hopes to get another shot at loving you..

I love you and I'll wait no matter how long it takes.. I just hope it wont be in vain..

Happy Birthday

2008-11-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

Today's your birthday..

There's so much I wanna say and so much I wanna do with you.. But yet, I've got to suppress all my emotions and get on with the day..

I've got a gift for you but somehow, I cant bring myself to pass it to you..

All my life, god has been pretty kind to me, sparing me from emotional tortures. But now, I'm facing the hardest test of my life. A moment of folly and I lost it all..

Staring in the eyes of the grim reaper, I'm refusing to back down, refusing to just let him put my heart to sleep. But as time ticks by, I feel myself getting weaker for the pain in me just continues to stack up..

This special day for you means alot to me.. A milestone in your life.. The day which marks the second decade in your life..

I wanna spend the remaining decades of your life by you.. For love, I can feign ignorance to anything.. I just hope that one day, you'll see my repentance and feel the sincerity of my apology and courtship..

Seeing you date another guy on your birthday nearly brought me to my knees.. Neek's a strong kid.. But no guy would be able to withstand such emotional torment.. Deep down inside, his heart's screaming your name..

During work, he broke down.. In front of 5 other people, tears rolled down his cheeks as he failed to hold them back.. Images of her in the arms of another guy tore his heart apart..

Feeling so empty now, I looked back at our past and found a promise i made.. I promised to love you for life and I'll keep it..

Happy birthday my love..

When I love you more than ever

2008-11-24T23:12:00.000-08:00

It's been over a week since I've last posted..

Neek's been trying to numb himself by working endlessly, keeping himself busy from morning till night.. But somehow, it doesnt seem to ease off the sting that has been lingering around since he was left all alone..

Every night, he cries himself to sleep.. He wakes having an image of her in the arms of another guy..

I need a chance.. A chance to prove my worth..

I Love You..

A Part Of Me

2008-11-15T07:41:00.000-08:00

Saturday.. A day where most people enjoy and relax and yet, I find myself constantly reminded of her..

Every step I take, Everything I do, I cant separate myself from her.. Things around me have constantly brought me flashbacks of all the memorable times we had together..

I'm facing a seemingly impossible task of winning her back but somehow, my heart does not permit me to give up.. We've been through so much together.. So much that my life would cease without her existence..

Throughout the whole day, I asked myself why.. Not why she left.. But why I put her through everything.. Why I didn't cherish her like she cherished me..

Singing session with friends became an emotional torture.. Every sad song that came up reminded me of her.. The one that hurt the most was 童话

If a day comes when I have to leave, how long and how much of me would stay in her heart?

I miss you..

The Painful Truth

2008-11-14T06:35:00.000-08:00

I woke up with a wet patch by my cheeks.. Why is it even there? As I slowly come to terms with everything that has happened, tears start to well up again..

You're no longer mine..

Oblivious to everything I had, I threw it all away.. You gave me everything I could have wished for, yet I took you for granted.. Just like an overgrown kid, I never knew how to cherish what I had till I lost it all..

Overwhelmed by pain and guilt, tears rolled down my cheeks as I tried to drag myself out of bed.. As I stared at my own reflection, I saw a stranger.. I saw a desperate guy who's lost a piece of himself.. A guy without a soul..

Lectures were fruitless.. My mind was more on you than on my books.. I need a lifeline..

The journey with you was probably the best part of a miserable day.. We didn't say much.. But somehow, I enjoyed the silence complimented by your presence.. Every time u started messaging, the pain would be unbearable, every time u tried to keep something from me, the sting just stacks up.. And when goodbye came as I pecked your forehead, I realized that I needed you back by my side..

If I could re-do my time with you, I'll put my heart and soul into making u smile for your smile would make my greatest worries disappear..

I love you now and ever..

Neek..

Aftermath

2008-11-13T09:08:00.000-08:00

It's been quite awhile and somehow, I've yet to come to terms with what has happened..

People never seem to cherish what they have until they've lost them and i'm a living example of such a person..

Time after time, we proved everyone wrong.. People always said that we wouldnt last but somehow, we did.. But ultimately, I proved myself wrong.. I single handedly ruined what was considered the best part of my life..

2 and a half years.. Milestones one after another.. And now, I don't really know how to explain how I'm feeling..

We seemed to have been together forever but our beginning seemed to have been so recent.. You've done so much for me and yet I never saw it till I read it again when u put a close to our story..

During our time together, I've pushed you to your limits, neglecting your emotional and mental needs.. Sorry..

Time waits for no one, neither does it go back for anyone.. Everything we've been through and everything you've done for me would forever hold a special place in my heart..

As tears well up as i complete this, I wanna emphasize on my apology.. Saying sorry aint the hardest thing to do.. Making one feel the sincerity of the apology is..

I dont want the story to end.. Maybe we should stop writing for awhile.. But deep down inside, there would never be a fullstop to our story..

Statement of the day: You're etched on my heart like how my birthmark is etched onto me..

Regrets

2008-11-12T10:54:00.000-08:00

Standing by his own reflection through the mirror, he took a trip down memory lane. He went back in time, back to face the horrible truths that tormented him day and night. Face to face with his past, he stared at himself as his ugly past gushed back into his head.

The tattoo, the scars, the fights and the pain. Everything seemed so familiar yet so distant, so real yet so unreal. The only proof of its existence is perhaps the pain that lingers on. People too have come and go. Many have staged their appearances in his life but little have made impacts like you did.

He seemed to have lost fragments of himself as time ticks by. He has searched everywhere for an identity and a purpose in life but he’s never found it for he never really knew what he was looking for. Not until he met you…

When he first had you in his arms, he was hoping that time would come to a total standstill. You are beautiful, far more than all, his heart’s desires. He embraced all that was sweet and offered them to her no matter how mushy they might sound. He wished the candle burns longer, that the winds stop blowing and the hearts stop swinging. Happiness, he wished he could have given you the world.

Lust stepped in too quick too soon. He grappled with the horns of the devils. The fears, the temptations, and he lost it. He succumbed to the devil. Metamorphosis they called it. He transformed into someone who was such a stranger to her, someone who could not live up to his promises.

She snapped. The fragile strings that were holding them together split into two and that signaled the end of it all.

He spent nights staring into space, asking himself what he’s done. He crumbled, like a little boy failing, like a little boy throwing tantrums early in the morning after the first feed. He had it all, but he threw it all away.

Back up on his feet, he wants to make amends.

If this is his last will, what should he pen down? On pieces of paper so fragile, on ink that fades with the passing of time, he wants to leave assurance to the love of his life. He would like to stand against the test of time with her. Would you hold his hand and walk the journey with him?

If he could whisper gently to your ears, he would say,” I love you.”